I dont know what i want to do with my life. I should die

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thinking.

You ever ruin anything.

Well I ruin everything.

You are a mess up a screw up.

You are not perfect.

rip all your art and poetry.

rip the most passionate thing you love and call it sacrifice.

be a what it wanted because its your desire to.

These are my thoughts inside my head.

The Eating Disorder I want to be.

I started to throw up.

After dinner. After lunch.

I started to not feel good after eating.

Before that, while eating this rush that satisfy me deeply.

But after, I get this sickness and feel the need to let go of everything.

Chunks and Chunks. This sounds disgusting.

But its somewhat satisfying.

Its tempting. It’s just sickening.

It’s a death hazard. Its become apart of me.

Lovers

Sitting at the end of the bed with the purity gone from beneath me.

I inhale the scent of the burnin cigarette

And feel his stare crawl on my back.

My thighs get a cold sensation from the tears down my cheeks.

The feeling of lost. That moment when you inhale one last time and realized it’s gone.

Her virginity.

To the man she never loved.

Never knew.

Never found out who he really was.

Throwing the money at her like she was a prize but the only prize she wanted was to die.

Her virginity

Still

I can hear him breath.

Listening so carefully.

Hearing the sounds of the ceiling fan click.

I wonder what he’s dreaming.

Is he dreaming about the girl at the grocery store.

Sleeping in bed like we’re lovers but with two that are suppose to be one are not one but just two.

The distance is so thick, so much thought to drown into.

Is he really sleeping?

Should I wake him up to tell him?

What is he thinking?

Bloody cut knees

The guy sitting two chairs

Across from her in the front.

In the corner of his eye he can see

The red shades flashing towards him

From her knees through her stockings.

As he closed his eyes. Consuming the

Scent of what he believes its from her.

He’s in love.

He remembers rubbing his right elbow with his hand just to turn to look her way but she would never notice.

Getting his first glance. The way she bites her lips, nervous if someone dares to even notice her bad habits.

the breathes she take from her black lungs.

She’s a smoker.

The way she brushes her hand through her messy brown hair. How opposite it’s reflect on her white sweater. The little cracks of nail polish on her nails shows her rebellion, but he liked that. It was intreating.

He wanted to say hello. The time was ticking and class was about to end.

***

Suddenly As the bell rang. He notice she walked slowly starring back at him.

It was that moment so breath taking.

She notice him.

-j

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